Success becomes dangerous when it’s defined solely by cultural standards. Do this instead…
Success is going with the flow.
Having the laundry put away and a night where the kids eat their home-cooked meal with no complaining. It’s picking my kids up from school and spending a leisurely afternoon at the park or swimming at the neighborhood pool. It’s creative writing. It’s designing logos, packaging, and websites. It’s helping others grow their businesses. It’s live music and walking dates with the husband. It’s contributing to the community with the skills I already have. It’s visiting the beach and putting my toes in the sand. It’s getting my daily yoga in. It’s taking the time to be with friends and family. It’s having fun and allowing positive energy and happiness to flow to me and through me.
Success is always having more than enough love, good health, laughter, and money too! And most importantly, it’s knowing that even in the contrast or darker days, ups and downs are part of the process, and the good days are just around the corner, moving toward you as easy as a river running toward the ocean.
I’ve been in a rush to grow my business and my family simultaneously, and it’s given me the mentality that I’ll be happy when… The problem is there is always another goal or milestone to reach.
Our culture teaches us to continuously strive for the next thing. It’s common in America for people to lead with interrogating questions 5 minutes after meeting you; What do you do? Where do you work? Who are you dating? When are you getting married? How many kids do you have? Oh, you don’t have kids; why not? Are you sure you don’t want kids? Oh, you do have kids. What are your kids doing? Where do they go to school? What Sports do they play? If you’re older, it’s, When will you retire? What will you do then? Are you gonna move now that the kids are gone and on it goes—always focused on the doing.
These can be valuable points of connection, especially from a friend or a close family member. But when it’s coming from random Randy and your great Aunt Sally, it simply reaffirms the cultural push to do more, be more, and always be on a quest for more.
What if we let go of that mentality and instead ask people what’s bringing them joy? ( and oh hey, dear reader, have you remembered to schedule time to relax?) Let’s ask each other who we’re focused on being instead of what we are doing.
Of course, we, ourselves, might have to let go of wearing busy as a badge of honor. If you love to be busy and go, go, go, that’s great, do that, but if you’re feeling overwhelmed, overworked, or just grouchy and in a funk, it’s time to step back and define success on your own terms.
When is the last time you asked yourself what Success looks like for you? The Definition of Success from the online Merriam-Webster dictionary states 1 a: degree or measure of succeeding or b: favorable or desired outcome, also: the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence.
As a society, we tend to hold on to that last line to define success–it’s wealth, power, popularity, and rising to the top at all costs. The problem with thinking in such rigid terms is it discounts our experience as whole human beings. Traditional success can be a good thing, but it becomes dangerous when we define ourselves solely on something that happens outside of ourselves.
Is the actualization of stuff and popularity actually what we want? Or is there a way to define what we want and write our own rules to get there? I believe there is, but we have to create the vision and unlearn our subconscious beliefs.
We need everyone to show up as their full selves. That means having the courage to do things that bring you joy. To work towards a future that you have consciously chosen for yourself. We live in an expansive world full of possibilities, but that is not what we learn.
We grow up inside a construct with unspoken rules that place the most value on how much you are accomplishing and how hard you work, which gets internalized and ties your value to earned income. They tell you the harder you work, the more you will make. In reality, we can all think of people who work harder than anyone else, yet their finances are still rocky. The other end of the spectrum exists, too—people who work less and earn more. No matter where you fall on the spectrum doesn’t matter. Your presence here proves that you matter and are invaluable; Your worth is not tied to your bank account or achievements.
Even in school, where the focus should be learning, the outcome is prioritized. Most of us have graduated from school systems focused on mass education and how to work for others, an old model left over from the 1920s. (Source) Worst of all, we think this is the safe route, learning what everyone else is learning, working your butt off for others, and collecting a paycheck, but at what cost?
These false narratives are keeping us stuck. We unconsciously recreate the hamster wheel, focusing on working harder and doing more. The constant pursuit of someone else's idea of success is making us sick. It leaves us feeling like we need to run off to Tahiti for a month-long sabbatical where we do yoga, watch the sunset, and drink mai tais. If you want to give me a free trip to Tahiti, I will not say no, but it’s not the long-term solution. Instead, we should be discovering our zone of genius, working with our strengths, scheduling time for joy and rest, practicing leaning into feeling good, and letting the busyness go.
Let’s break free of social influences, go on a social media sabbatical if we must, meditate, spend time in nature, go for long walks, whatever silences the world, and let our voice’s come through. Journal on that. Create a path forward based on possibilities and what you want your future to look like. Be bold enough to create from a place of inner discernment, not external influence. Write it down. When you find yourself getting lost in overwhelm, re-read it. If it still feels good, get back on the path. If you re-read it and it’s not right, make a slight course correction until you feel back in alignment and define what success and flow look like for you.
